I'm writing you for some advice about breaking up with a friend. We used to be really close and did everything together. Then, she got pregnant and had a baby. Now she's always busy and when she can make time to get together, it's all about her baby. Instead of trying on dresses at the mall, it's all bathroom breaks for diaper changes, breast feeding in the food court, and stops at baby stores. I can't stand it! That's how it is everywhere we go. She went from the girl I could have some fun with to the total mom type. Should I tell her I can't be friends with her because she makes everything about her baby, or do I just slowly fade out of her life? Thanks for the help guys!
Slacker says that she should confront her. You can suggest a solution like offer to help pay for a baby sitter. Friendship is about pretending that you care about things even when you don’t. Either you are really friends or you’re not.
Steve says that segregation lies here. There are the people that have kids and the ones that don’t. You lose a lot that you used to have in common. When you are still single your life is still about partying and having fun. Someone needs to break it off because one of them made a life decision and the other didn’t. They don’t fit together anymore there worlds collided.
Whose side are you on? What advice do you have for Amber?
I think that a baby is a life changing event and your friendship is never going to be the same again. Nothing will ever come before that baby now not ever, not you, not a shopping trip, nothing! She has to get used to being a mom, the first time is the worst. Your whole life revolves around that child. Ask your friend to go do specific girls only no baby things. “Hey we should go to see a show or go out for a girl’s night as a break from the baby you deserve it being a mom is hard work.”
My best friend has started buying all this really expensive stuff for herself, but doesn't spend anything on her daughter. I mean the poor girl still has a jacket from five years ago. While her mother is walking around with coach bags, watches, and shoes. I want to tell her that I think she needs to buy her daughter a coat instead of buying more stuff for herself. Is it wrong of me to do that? I think I might even buy her daughter a jacket.
Slacker says you have to ask if the child is actually being neglected. When you first have a kid you want to spend a ton of money on your kids. You want your kid to look good. After a while you get to the point where you realize that it is silly to buy Air Jordan’s for your baby that can’t walk yet. If my friend bought my kid a necessity I would be offended. This is really shaky territory.
Steve says that she should mind your own business. Steve says he would take his kids (if he had any) to goodwill to get them clothes because with kids it is a waste of money.
She needs your advice. Should she tell her friend how she feels? Should she step up and buy her a coat herself? Or should she mind her own business?
I used to take my friends daughter shopping all the time for clothes. It doesn’t have to be that offensive or in your face if you want to buy her the coat. I do feel like Darla needs to get to the bottom of the reason for this new behavior. She should talk to her about it without putting her on the defensive. If she is your best friend she deserves the benefit of the doubt. There may be an underlying reason for all of it.
I have a friend who is underweight yet says things like "I have to punish myself in the gym because I ate a burger". She's constantly on a diet and most of the time we do see her eat, she orders a salad and barely picks at it. She also sees disgustingly skinny girls and makes comments like "Wouldn't it be nice to look like that?" I'm wondering if people can suggest a subtle way for me to get her to realize that she needs help. At this point, I'm really worried she is (or will become) anorexic. A lot of people always say that they saw the signs and wish they would have done something but didn't. I see all the signs and want to help my friend before it's too late!
Slacker many women make comments about having to work out harder to stay thin. If I was depressed and you found out I had just bought a gun you would get involved. This is different though since this will take longer to kill someone. He is worried that if Ramona steps up she may lose this person as a friend. But is she being a friend if she stays quiet and never says anything? Is this her friend’s cry for help?
Steve thinks Ramona should butt out. Steve has known people with eating disorders it was only when they hit the bottom on their own that they made the changes. They have had friends point it out and they didn’t care. They have to figure it out on their own. If she is depressed all the time this is a big sign.
Have you or anyone you know dealt with this problem? What should she do to help her friend?
I was anorexic when I was a teenager. All I ever put in my body was good old 23 flavors that’s right Dr. Pepper. 3 years I did this I was in bad shape until I got pregnant. I was so sick and my teeth started breaking apart because the baby took everything I had and that wasn’t much. I had to re-teach myself how to eat it was very difficult. After that I was very depressed all the time about how fat I was and rarely left the house. I have grown up and realized that looks go away I am ok with being me whatever size I am. Give her affirmations regularly about how great she is as a person. When I dealt with this it was because of low self esteem. Mention to her eating healthy means eating and a healthy regular amount to keep your body fueled. Giving her more energy to work out and keep your body in motion that can lead to a nice body.
We spent last thanksgiving with my boyfriend’s family since we just graduated college and we were close. Since we are close again he wants to spend Thanksgiving at home again this year. I told him no cause it will ruin my life. His mom is the most horrible cook ever! You have to force feed yourself and stop yourself from gagging to get through the meal. Thanksgiving is all about the food and I can’t ruin it again like I did last year. I haven’t said anything to him about this but I think he probably knows since it is that bad. She needs an intervention about how bad her food is. It was dried out turkey, brown water for gravy and not the cranberry sauce but whole cranberries instead. It is really the worst food on the planet. I can’t bear to go back again.
Slacker says that holidays are supposed to be joyous and yet everyone always falls apart. If she can’t go to her boyfriend’s mom’s house for dinner she might need to evaluate whether or not they should be together at all. People have their own rendering of traditional Thanksgiving food that I don’t really care for but wouldn’t stretch it so far to make it a big deal. She should suck it up for one day a year, eat before you go, it is not all about the food it is also about family and football!
Steve says their relationship is going to hinge on gravy. She could be the hero of the family if she steps up about the bad food so the others no longer have to suffer through it anymore.
She needs your advice. What should she do?
It is one day out of the year you will make him happy. Tell him in a polite way that his mother’s food is not your favorite so that he knows why you don’t want to go and that you are only going for him. If you went to his parent’s this year it is only fair that you do yours this year. Slacker is right if you want to be with this guy you need to decide what is more important…..FOOD at one event a year….or the love you share everyday with your boyfriend?
If it is food then get out of it now!
I just gave birth to my son. I currently live with my in-laws and they act like it’s their son!!! When they come home from work I have to share him for a few hours EVERYDAY!!! They are always saying I'm doing something wrong. I.E. when I feed him they think he isn't hungry. When I put him in bed they think he shouldn't sleep in a bed, he should be held. When he's sleeping they think we need to be super quiet!!! He's MY SON I pushed the kid out and my boyfriend made it through 9 months of hell with me. How do we get them to back off?
Slacker suggests that they get their own place. It’s hard to be a parent. Slacker’s first baby, Noah, was colicky and Slacker’s mother-in-law came in and took the baby and walked out of the room with him. He was so angry with her. He was the one paying the mortgage though. We all suck as parents at first.
Steve says that they are doing this in their house. It is a hard situation so the easiest advice is to move out if you don’t like the way your in-laws get involved.
What should Sarah do?
My parents are terrible with this too. I get it even though I don't live with them. Get Out!! It is very stressful trying to be a new parent and then having someone breathing down your neck all the time is too much. It is your kid you and your husband need to sit down and explain that you appreciate their help but that if you want their help you will ask for it until then let me raise my baby. I always remind my mother about how much it drove her crazy when her parents did it to her.