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Slacker & Steve's Blog



OPP: Should I Move With Him?

Today’s OPP is faced with one of life’s hardest decisions…love or family?  She came on the air to talk, but here is her letter:

Yi! My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half, and we have been living together for the last 6 months. He just landed the residency of his dreams in a hospital all the way across country. When he applied I told him that I would follow him wherever his career led him, but now that the move is upon us I'm having some doubts.
I love my job, everyone in my family is within an hour of my apartment, and my friends and my life are all here. But I really do love my boyfriend and I want to support him and his career. If I go with him, I need to find a job and new friends and a new life, but I will have him. If I choose to stay here I will lose him, but keep my comfortable life where I am. I am really confused – what should I do? Have you ever uprooted your life for a boyfriend? Are you happy you did it or do you regret the decision? 
Thanks for the advice,
Alexis

Steve says that Alexis  should stay here because she hasn’t been away from her support system before.  Steve also thinks that her boyfriend shouldn’t be forcing her in this situation.  He seems to be jumping the fence by saying that she needs to become her own person, but at the same time needs to be with her support system.  Slacker said he would never move unless his significant other found him a better gig than this (which is highly unlikely, because I won't be blogging for them).

This is an odd situation, because I would place myself in the shoes of the boyfriend.  I have no problem moving away from my family (I'm out here instead of Iowa aren't I?)  I would have no problem moving out here, although my girlfriend is much closer to her family.  I feel like she would have a harder time being away from her family than I would. So even I'm stuck on this one...

What do think our OPP should do?

Keep it Classy,
Brandon
(Photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net)


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Topics : Human Interest
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Locations : Iowa


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07/25/2012 4:32PM
OPP: Should I Move With Him?
Please Enter Your Comments Below
07/25/2012 4:41PM
I DID THIS 3 YEARS AGO. EXACT SITUATION
Yi! 3 years ago I had the same decision to make with my boyfriend (now husband) He was moving to Richmond VA to get his masters degree and I made the decision to go with him. I realized that I could either stay in Colorado and wonder what would of became of our relationship and always regretted not going OR I could just go with him and try it out! What's the worst that could happen?? I knew I could always move back to Colorado if it didn't work out and then I would have NO regrets. If she doesn't like her job and she's not in school then there is nothing really holding her back and she should go. Make new friends and try living somewhere new, it's fun!
07/25/2012 5:12PM
Speaking from personal experience
It sounds like you are not completely sure about your relationship. I can promise you that residency, especially the first year, will be the hardest year of his life and possibly yours. This is a good chance to see what your relationship will be like in hard times. It's a good test to see if your relationship has marriage potential. He will need an enormous amount of support and maybe it's time to see if you can be the support in your relationship. It will be very hard, I wont sugar coat it. Especially because you're already having trouble with the idea of being away from home the first time. But it will also be good for you to prove to yourself that you can be independent. Some of the biggest challenges in life turn out to be the best experiences. The questions you have to ask yourself are: Are you are willing and able to be his sole support this year? That means he will probably be leaning on you a lot and will do very little supporting of you. Are you interested in putting his happiness before yours for a long period of time? And finally, this is the most important, during this time and at the end of residency, is he the kind of guy who will appreciate your selfless commitment and one day return the same support to one of your most important endeavors? If you answer no to any of those, I don't think you should go. It doesn't make you a bad person, it just means that it's probably not the right relationship for you. I am now married to a 2nd year resident and we dated all throughout his med school years. First year of residency was the hardest so far (there were some really low points) but I can say that we have come to appreciate each other and learned some very important relationship skills that will serve us well in marriage. My husband is my best friend and I know he and I share something intimate because I was here every day for him. I was witness to the biggest challenge of his life. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all about him, but he is eternally grateful for my willingness to stand by him throughout all of this. Residency is truly about survival. Not many relationships or marriages make it through it. Good luck with your decision.
07/25/2012 5:43PM
Clarification
Yi!! Don't decide now. Keep your apartment if you can and keep your job too. Try a long distance relationship for a month or two or three. Spend as much time with him up in DC as you can. Meet his new neighbors, go to the local gym, see if you could be happy living there. See if you like the people and the atmosphere there. Really get a feel for how it would be to live there, what the demands are on his time and wether or not he has time to nurture your relationship while in the residency. If after spending time there you could see yourself being happy and your relationship progressing then move.You family should support you if they see that you want to be there. If it doesn't feel right if you are unhappy there then stay. If the relationship is ment to be then you both can find a way through it regardless of the distance.
07/26/2012 1:10PM
make sure itll work
Before u change YOUR WHOLE LIFE, make sure your relationship with him is going to go somewhere and your not just wasting your life by moving into a relationship with no future
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