It's time for Drunk or Kid where you will tell us a story and the guys will guess whether you were drunk or a kid! Lil' D will start off the game by telling two stories he found and saying them in first person. The guys will then guess if Lil' D was drunk or a kid.
First story: I live in North Carolina, jumped on my tractor and fell asleep. I ended up in the field and the tractor was going around in circles.
Answer: Kid! The tractor was a toy tractor.
Second story: My two buddies and I went to Sunset Cliffs. I got separated from my friends and was interested in seeing what was over the cliff. I jumped over the fence and got too close to the edge and ended up falling 80 feet. My buddies heard me calling for help and had to call for help.
Answer: 31-year old Drunk guy.
What stories do you have that will stump the guys on whether you were drunk or a kid?
My husband found a new friend through work that he went out to have a beer with a couple times over the last few weeks. He would call to tell me that he was going out with Sam and I was always okay with it. A few days ago, I found out that Sam is actually short for Samantha. Of course I was angry but my husband said I was blowing things out of proportion. He said he didn't think it would be a big deal, they only talked business when they were out, they never went anywhere private, and he was always home on time. He said if something was going on, why would he have ever told me that Sam was a woman? Is it appropriate for him to be getting beers with a female co-worker? Can a man and a woman really just be friends without any feelings for each other?"
Slacker thinks that no matter what, in a male-female friendship there is always one person who likes the other more than a friend. He thinks the husband tried to hide the fact that Samantha was a woman by calling her "Sam". He says statistics show that if you have an affair, it is usually with a co-worker. So, Lilly may have a right to be worried.
Steve thinks the husband is a little shady, but only gave Lilly the information that she needed. He probably knew that Lilly would be mad if he told her Sam was a female. He suggests that the husband recommend that Lilly goes out with her male friends if she wants to because he trusts that nothing is going to happen, just as nothing is going to happen between him and Sam.
What should Lilly do? Is it okay that the husband has a female drinking buddy?
A man flying to South Africa was bit by a spider on the plane. He didn't feel any pain initially, but then his leg began to swell and turn black. When he got to the hospital, his leg was bursting open oozing pus. A woman heard scratching noises and was having ear pains. She eventually went to an ear, nose, and throat specialist who said there was a spider spinning a web in her ear. A man lit a gas station on fire trying to burn a spider with his lighter. A woman from Indiana leaped from her moving car because she saw a spider and her kid tried to stop the car, but accidentally hit the gas and crashed the car.
Slacker let a huge spider in his garage get away. He brushed it off the wall and it fell to the floor and he couldn't find it. He thinks the spider is planning on killing Slacker when he is least expecting it. He isn't worried that the spider will crawl into his ear though, because it is too big.
Steve says Slacker's spider is going to crawl into his mouth and his mouth is going to swell with pus. He mentions that no one has heard if the spider survived the fire or not.
First dodge-ball was banned from schools, now tag? A school in Washington has banned the elementary favorite game of tag to protect the kids’ physical and emotional state. Parents are wondering why they weren't part of the decision. Steeler’s Linebacker James Harrison is against giving his kids gold stars for participation. His son had received two trophies for just participating, so he returned the trophies. He fully supports his kids, but wants them to earn trophies. Some schools are stopping valedictorian awards because they are singling out students. A young girl was suspended for wearing a Kelly green shirt to school because it broke the dress code of “dark green” shirts.
Slacker was a pretty good student, but knew he wasn’t going to be a valedictorian. That didn’t mean he didn’t want the people who worked their butts off to not get valedictorian.
Steve says the majority of bans are created by the female teachers to protect the students. He thinks schools are creating “too safe” of an environment that will not properly prepare kids for the real world.
What do you think about the school's actions? Have we banned too much or is this the right way to go?
A Mississippi couple returned home from their honeymoon to find a whiskered critter in their toilet. The animal hasn't been identified yet and has puzzled many experts. A woman was inside a portable toilet at a festival when a crew moved it. The harbor master of the festival said she must have thought she had been teleported when she came out in a new location. In Australia, a snake catcher was called upon twice to catch pythons in toilets. The first one was 9.8 feet long and the second one was 7.8 feet long.
Slacker’s biggest nightmare is going to a concert and having someone tip the portable toilet. He has invested in the slow lowering toilet seat after his son smashed his junk in the toilet when learning how to go to the bathroom.
Steve and Slacker were in Napa Valley and encountered a five star portable toilet. Apparently there were even marble countertops.
Lil D and his wife are thinking about having a third kid and are considering getting a minivan to accommodate the family. Slacker and Steve think it's a terrible idea and are trying to talk him out of it.
Slacker thinks the minivan is the equivalent of the sweatpant. He doesn’t want Dave or his minivan anywhere near him on their remote location visits. It will cramp his style. If the majority of the callers say Lil D shouldn’t get a minivan he will reconsider. He says no matter how many extras the minivan comes with, it’s still a minivan.
Steve says minivans equal giving up. He sees suburban moms drive around in big SUVs with their kid(s) sitting in the back for safety. He caves at the fact that minivans have the doors that slide, which prevents kids from hitting other people’s cars with the car doors.
Lil D compares minivans to jeans, not sweatpants. He thinks it is the practical choice because it has room for people, unlike SUV’s and crossovers which have room for things. Lil D says if the majority of the callers say he should get a minivan, Slacker has to get one too.
Kendall is looking for someone to take care of her son while she and her husband are at work. Her mother-in-law jumped at the opportunity, but has lost track of the kid before. Kendall think's it would be better to pay for a babysitter, but knows if she mentioned it to her husband it would only start a fight.
Slacker says that the kid trumps the mother-in-law with Kendall, but mother-in-law trumps the kid with the husband. He would be offended if his wife said that they needed to spy on his mother-in-law to make sure she was mothering properly. He thinks her vote counts for more because she carried the child.
Steve says that the kid trumps the mother-in-law. She needs evidence against her mother-in-law to show her husband in order for him to understand. He says a “no” from one side of the relationship means a “no” for both of them.
A 22-year old from Vermont wanted to get fired from his job because it was below him to quit. He called in a bomb threat to the chocolate factory he worked at. Not only was he fired, but was charged with false public alarm on top of other things. Some things people have done to try to get fired from their jobs are taking their dog to work every day and breaking all of the dress code rules.
Slacker says Steve would be the person to get himself fired. He laughed at the fact that the guy quit his job at the chocolate factory. Why would he want to quit that job? The guys are going to try a few of the crazy things people have done to try and get fired, to see if they can get them fired.
Steve has done a few of the things on the list of how to get yourself fired, like getting in the elevator with his boss and pressing the buttons for all the floors. He wants his employers to loathe him.
Have you ever tried to get yourself fired? How did you do it?
Are you bad at lying? Next time you tell a lie, drink a lot of water before so you have to pee. According to a new study from Cal State Fullerton, people are better at lying when they have to pee. A Florida woman lied about being kidnapped to try to get out of going to her job as the night-shift nurse assistant. The police spent several hours searching for her, but when they found her she admitted she lied to get out of her job. She won't be returning to her job because she is in police custody! Comedian Steve Rannazzisi lied about being in the World Trade Center when 9/11 happened. He has apologized and said his actions were inexcusable. His advertisements for Buffalo Wild Wings have been pulled since he admitted. A Little Caesars employee lied about being robbed on the way to make a deposit at the bank for the company. The police eventually found that the woman fabricated the story and took the money.
Slacker couldn’t stop making fun of Steve lying to the building manager because he has been with Alice 105.9 for so long that everyone knows him, but he didn’t know the building manager.
Steve lied to the building manager about not knowing where to smoke outside the building of the studio…and he pulled it off. The building manager asked him if he wouldn’t mind smoking in the designated area, and he said he didn’t know about that area.
Candy took her 4/5-year old daughter to a play-date. When she and the little boy's mom were talking, they heard the kids get quiet. When they went to go check it out, the kids were standing with no pants on and touching each other. She thinks the boy initiated it. Candy doesn't want to return in fear of what could happen next time.
Slacker thinks it could be the curiosity of the children, an “I have this, why do you have that?” situation. But, he has also heard that children who are molested tend to model the actions towards others. If it were his daughter in the situation, he would react the same way that Candy has.
Steve thinks candy is out of line putting all of the blame on the boy. But, he thinks that as a mom, Candy is doing the right thing in protecting her daughter
A man in Nebraska was arrested after he made his 11-year old son carry a cinder block around the house as punishment for writing on the walls at school. The boy's mother alerted the police of the situation, showing the blisters that formed on the kid's hands. In another story,two parents made their son drink until he passed out to teach him a lesson about alcoholism. Unfortunately, the son died and the parents are going to jail for manslaughter. A Dad in Virginia locked up his daughters clothes after she got a $500 phone bill. The daughter had to pay the bill of to get the clothes back.
Slacker fears he is turning into an old man because he doesn’t think the punishment is over the top. He can’t believe the millennial callers are agreeing with him that the punishment was minor compared to what could have happened. Slacker’s parents would have punished him for drinking by making him drink more (to the point of being sick).
Steve compares the situation to if the son was working, carrying the cinder blocks wouldn’t be considered punishment? But, he took into consideration the fact the kid had blisters, and felt for the kid.
This weekend at the Emmys, it appears as though Peter Dinklage’s wife took one for the team. When Dinklage’s name was announced as the winner for the best supporting actor, he kissed his wife and from what it appears in the video, spit his gum in her mouth. During his speech he mentioned that he was not prepared to win as he was chewing gum. When he was giving his speech he didn’t have any gum in his mouth. Although it’s not confirmed, Dinklage’s wife put her hands over her mouth after the kiss. Probably to spit the gum out or hide the fact that she has a terrible poker face. Weird things couples do for each other are cleaning out ear wax, clipping nails, picking boogers, popping pimples, and flossing teeth.
Slacker sounds weirded out by Dinklage, but is outed by Steve that he shares gum with everyone (at least a former Producer). He would wipe Steve’s nose if he had a booger hanging from his nose. He has had significant others pop pimples for his and pick out ingrown hairs.
Steve thinks people are gross as he has never done or never will do any weird things for other people. He sounds grossed out when Slacker offers his booger wiping services. He is cringing at everything mentioned that couples do for each other’s. In a castaway situation, Steve wouldn’t save Slacker if he had to do anything weird to save him like suck venom out of a bite or pop a boil.
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done for someone else?
They say you shouldn't sweat the small stuff, but that's more easily said than done. A 24-year old man in Burbank grabbed a few to many Nutella waffle samples at Costco when an elderly man suggest he only take one. The 24-year old proceeded to punch the elderly man, leaving him hospitalized. A Florida guy assaulted his girlfriend when he found out she was reading her ex’s obituary. A woman beat her husband up because he wouldn’t delete naked pictures of her off his phone when they were getting a divorce.
Slacker gets in fights with his wife about the microwave. When someone uses the microwave and doesn’t reset it to the clock. He has programmed himself to look at the microwave to check the time, even though the oven is a few feet away, and he has a watch and iPhone no his person.
Steve thinks if he was a sample person he’d end up eating the samples himself. He's considering going to Costco to "sample" the steaks.
Lil D has worked as a sample person at Costco and always had people eat too many samples.
What the most insignificant thing that has led you to a disagreement?
Maggie's son is 2 years old and Dad has been out of the picture because he is in jail. Dad has reached out to Maggie and wants to talk to their son about how not to end up like he did. She has gotten rid of all evidence of the Dad in her home and in her son’s life. She is worried his family is going to reach out to Maggie wanting to see her son. Maggie isn't sure she wants her son to visit/meet his Dad in jail, but doesn't want keep secrets from her son.
Slacker thinks the Dad’s family has a right to see their grandson/nephew. The son is eventually going to find out about his Dad and that Maggie has been keeping him a secret. He thinks the son seeing his Dad in jail might teach him a lesson that going to jail is a real consequence.
Steve suggests Maggie makes a visitation on her own to evaluate the situation a little better. He definitely thinks lying to her son is not an option because it will only end up biting her in the butt.
Should Maggie let her son see his Dad or forget about him?
We all keep things to remember a certain event or person in our life. A tattoo artist has created mementos for people who have lost someone with ink. He takes the tattooed skin and preserves it for the family/friends. The skin can then be framed and viewed in rememberance.
Slacker thinks Steve has the coolest memento, voicemails from his parents. He recommends it’d be better to recreate the tattoo instead of taking the piece of skin from a dead person.
Steve thinks people should just take a picture of the tattoo instead of having the actual skin. He’s kept voicemails from his parents as a memento.
What mementos do you have? Are they cute or creepy?
Owning a library card, watching sub-titled films and being able to use the chopsticks make someone cultured. Research from 2,000 people showed that going to the theater topped the list followed by being able to recognize art and visiting local historical sites. On a list of 40 things that make you cultured, drinking tea, wearing a bow-tie, owning a library card, and watching Antique Roadshow are listed. The number one trashiest behavior is Profanity in Public.
Slacker questions if anyone actually wants to be cultured. He does 16/40 of the items on the 40 things that make you cultured list. He doesn’t like going to culture events where he has to walk around and “judge” things. He can also be a little trashy because he swears like a sailor when the microphone is off.
Steve likes it when women are cultured, but not when they know they’re cultured. It can come off as snobby. He does 7/40 of the items on the 40 things that make you cultured list. Steve’s go-to wine guy is Slacker. He used to think people who carry umbrellas were cultured.
Lil D knows he’s not cultured. He thinks Slacker is a d-bag about Sushi.
A guy in Houston had his 15-year old dog stolen and euthanized by strangers. The man returned home to find a note that said the dog had been taken to a veterinarian who determined the dog had no quality of life and was "humanely" put down. The dog had a bad hip and weighed 80 pounds.
Slacker can relate to the story because his dog Mojo is a 14-year old chocolate lab that has problems standing up. He compares the situation to when other people try to parent his children and he can’t admit that they’re right, even if they are.
Steve thinks the strangers did the right thing by euthanizing the dog. If the dog is suffering, someone should step in and put the dog out of his misery. He thinks dog owners such as Slacker, might not realize that their pet is in pain because they don’t want to believe it.
Do you think a stranger has the right to determine if someone's pet is suffering?
A devilish groom pranked his new bride on their wedding day by having a pair of entertainers dress as waiters and pretend to drop their cake. At the University of Miami, a student pranked faculty who did random dorm inspections by setting up fake coke lines of powdered sugar and pills all over his table. The faculty called the police who arrested the student because the powdered sugar contained traces of cocaine. On Jeopardy, a contestant answered “What is the love ballad of Turd Ferguson? P.S. Hi Mom,” when she didn’t know the answer to Final Jeopardy.
Slacker could see right through the prank because no one walks a wedding cake to the table because of the possibility of them dropping it. Also, the entertainer who was carrying the cake was pushed forward, but threw the cake behind his shoulder. He compared it to the Kennedy assassination hoax. He thought this was better publicity for her than actually winning Jeopardy, which she was not close to doing.
Steve was tricked by the story of the groom pranking his bride, thinking it’d be cute. After watching the video he knew it was a gag. The entertainers must not have been very good at being sly. Steve wouldn’t be surprised if there was a script. On the student, he joked that he must hide his cocaine in his powdered sugar.
Have you ever pulled off a huge prank or been the victim of a good prank?
Our OPP today, Amber, has a son who claims that his aunt spanked him when she was watching him. Amber doesn’t believe in spanking and wouldn’t give anyone else the authority to do so. Amber’s sister claims she didn’t spank the son. Amber doesn’t know who to trust because her sister has a temper, but she has also caught her son lying before.
Slacker says she should back the sister because if she doesn’t, no more free childcare for her. He believes parents need to give the baby-sitter some authority and lead them to how they handle situations. With his children, when he drops them off for playdates, the rules of the house are the rules his children follow.
Steve thinks the son is lying, but that the mom has to back her son to ensure trust in their relationship.
Getting hit in the face is not a pleasant thing to have happen to you. But, it can be very entertaining to watch! A woman was innocently attending the Kentucky State Barbecue Festival when she was hammered in the face with a beef brisket hot off the smoker. Sounds funny, but the woman suffered burns on her neck and shoulders. A man was hit in the face multiple times with a pooper scooper after getting into an argument with his girlfriend. An Australian woman threw poop at the police. Harry Styles and his band members were saying their goodbyes at a show when a fan threw a can of red bull at him and it hit him in the face. Needless to say, the fan was scorned by those surrounding her.
Slacker has kneed himself in the face when working out with the big rubber bands. If he were hit in the face with beef brisket, he would eat the brisket. When he went to a One Direction concert, he noticed they got hit in the face multiple times with things like silly string.
Steve learned how to pick up poop with a plastic bag from Slacker, an alternative to his pooper scooper. He used to be an athlete and always got hit in the face with equipment; one time a baseball shattered his metal-frame glasses and left a scar.
When someone close to you goes missing, you are generally worried for their safety and will do anything to find out what happened. Dillion has been having an affair with a woman who has gone missing. He is stuck between searching for her or just leaving the problem alone and returning to his old life.
Slacker would move heaven and earth to find Steve if he went missing. He doesn’t think Dillion is allowed to search for his mistress or be worried about it because he’s supposed to be in love with just his wife and it could get him in trouble if he does.
Steve would also go to great lengths to find Slacker. He thinks Dillion needs to care about a person he loves and at least find out what happened to her, if anything. He does think that something has gone wrong with her, and she hasn’t just stopped all contact with Dillion.
What should Dillion do? Do you have any advice for him?
Everyone has that one thing that puts them in the mood. For some it's colognes, for others its songs. Orinoco Flow by Enya was the number one song choice in a survey of 25,000 women to get them frisky. The food that gets people in the mood is not oysters; not chocolate covered strawberries…its grilled cheese. Funerals have also been known to be an unlikely aphrodisiac due to the vulnerability and need for a connection.
Slacker’s “mood in an instant” is the cliché red wine. A woman in t-shirt and jeans will also do the trick, opposed to a woman all done up.
Steve talks with his “Mr. Chocolate” voice to put women in the mood. He agrees with Slacker that a woman in a t-shirt and jeans is attractive.
According to a new survey, 44% of women have at least one thing in their closet they KNOW they’ll never wear again, but they still won’t get rid of it. Here are five more stats from the survey:
42% of women have clothes that don’t fit anymore, but won’t get rid of them because they’re hoping to lose weight
A third of women say they’re “bored” with their wardrobe, and 23% claim they have “nothing to wear”
More than half of women spend at least $500 a year on clothes, but only 10% think they spend too MUCH on them
20% of women feel guilty for the sheer amount of clothing in their closet
Only 6% of women believe they’re addicted to shopping
Slacker doesn’t suggest buying clothes one year out to motivate yourself to lose weight because you won’t lose the weight before the trend is out of style. He owns two full linen suits that he barely uses, saving them for his fantasy trip to Mexico. Slacker has hoarded huge tents, with more than enough room for him and his small family. The only time he used one of them was to eat cookies in is backyard.
Steve is the opposite of a hoarder. He purges things all the time. But, he has bought a wok off an infomercial that he thought looked like so much fun to use. Sadly, the wok was high maintenance and is now stored in his basement. He also bought the ‘Perfect Pushup” that he has never taken off the shelf since he bought it.
Lil’ D also bought a huge tent from Costco that he never uses, other than to show off to his friends.
We’ve all got things we don’t use. What do you own that you never (or rarely) use?
Ambien has a history of causing problems for people using it. A mother in California gave her daughter a dosage of Ambien that was mistaken for her antibiotics. The girl experienced wild hallucinations, trying to rip off the stair railing in their home thinking it was a misplaced curtain. Other things that have happened to people while they were on Ambien are going on a shopping spree and spending $3,000; eating brown sugar directly; saying yes to an evite they didn’t want to say yes to; waking up in a bathtub in their underwear; painting their porch purple; and worst of all, writing a coherent sounding email to their boss, but signing ‘I love you’. Chris Kattan was taken into police custody at the Phoenix Airport for wandering aimlessly, which he explained was sue to the fact he had taken Ambien earlier in the day.
Slacker likes to use Ambien for reasons other than sleeping. He can’t imagine filling prescriptions is so difficult that someone can mistake an antibiotic for Ambien. He could totally down a spoonful of brown sugar, reminiscing on his childhood.
Steve is unable to understand people having trouble falling to sleep. He felt bad for the young girl who had a bad hallucination, as he thinks the hallucinations should be fun.
Mike's 5-year-old son carries his favorite toy around everywhere...it just happens to be an Elsa Frozen doll. The boy's stepdad threw the toy away because he's trying to "toughen the kid up." Mike doesn’t like that his ex-wife’s husband took this into his own hands.
Slacker thinks the kid trumps guy in the situation. The ex-wife should have fought for the child’s interest in the doll. Slacker thinks Mike and the new husband should not talk on the side because it will get out of control.
Steve thinks the ex-wife was right in backing up her husband. The next time the new husband makes a decision involving
the son, the ex-wife is probably going to take the blame.
It’s seems lately that everyone is trying to get their 15 minutes of fame. And some people are actually succeeding. A woman from Ukraine set a Guinness World Record for crushing two watermelons between her thighs on live television. A Massachusetts man carved an 817-pound pumpkin into a kayak and paddled down the Taunton River. But, the most worthy of fame is a man from India who quit his day job to break the world record for highest number selfies taken. He is up to 1,700 selfies in an hour, but hopes to break 1,800. That’s 30 selfies per minute!
Slacker holds a record for most hugs. He claims that he used to be able to get any girl he wanted, even the lead singer of a major band.
Steve’s claim to fame is eating 16 pieces of pizza at the all-you-can-eat Pizza Hut in his hometown.
Lil’ D was the first person to eat a quarter pounder in one bite in middle school. We are going to see if he can do it again!
Is there something you should be famous for? What’s your claim to fame?
When hiring a nanny, there are many traits that you look for. Responsibility, good with children, energetic...not attractive? John Legend's wife, Chrissy Teigen, is against hiring any hot nannies, drivers, or maids. She trusts Legend, but she says, "You never know with these men." Other celebrities caught messing around with the nannies are Ben Affleck, Jude Law, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Psychologists have found that stars sleep with nannies because of the proximity, convenience, and the fact that men are wired to go after young fertile women. What an excuse!
Slacker to callers: Are you looking for someone qualified or a Nanny Mcphee (unattractive)? Hire someone presentable because they are raising your kids. Slacker thinks maybe some nannies have ulterior motives, in wanting to get hired to sleep with their employer. He wants to hear directly from nannies, maids, etc.
Steve says hot nannies are the best ever! If the nanny is qualified, he says why not? He thinks it is always the celebrity’s/employer’s fault, not the nanny’s. Nannies should be respectable because they are someone your kids emulate. He asks if nannies are insecure or if men are pigs? As Steve says, “Its nature, not our fault.”
Would you hire a hot nanny, if they were the perfect candidate in every other aspect?
Private Investigators are hired to uncover their client’s problems. But, on a rare occasion they will uncover a problem of their own. A man hired a Private Investigator to see if his wife was cheating on him. After a bit of investigating, the P.I. discovered that she was in fact cheating on her husband, but it turned out her "mister" was the P.I.'s 17 year-old son! No one came out a winner in this situation. A business man hired a P.I. to harass a co-worker who he believed was a Nazi sympathizer.
Slacker mentions that DIY private investigation is a thing with new technology tracking every move on cellphones. If Slacker was a P.I. he would become too attached to the person he’s following and end up sleeping with them.
Steve was already checking the wife out before going on air, noting that she has great bone structure. He knows a process server who served an athlete by pretending to get an autograph.
Have you ever hired a P.I.? Are you a P.I.? What are your crazy Private Investigator stories?
Today's OPP Pamela just got offered a new job with higher pay and in a different state. She and her husband are fighting on what decision to make as they have a daughter starting her freshman year of high school and a son starting his senior year. Mom thinks it will make no difference if they move now opposed to next year. Dad thinks it isn't fair to the kids to uproot them during these important years in their lives.
Slacker puts Pamela in her son’s shoes, having her imagine having to start over twice in a row with his last year of high school and his first year in college. He thinks she is being selfish wanting to move the family immediately. He suggests that she take the job, but visit the family on weekends/breaks. Slacker said he wasn’t trying to be mean, but playing devil’s advocate.
Steve is on the husband’s side because Pamela doesn’t know what the new opportunity is going to work out or not. But, he can see her points on why it won’t affect the kids as much as the Dad thinks. Steve is looking at the situation from a business stand-point. He thinks it would be different if it were the Dad as they have an easier time disconnecting.
Whose side are you on? What advice do you have for Pamela?
We all love those stories where someone shares a beer with a pig or owns more guns than they do teeth. That’s “White Trash News Flash” for you. How about the man in China who became so angry with his wife after she didn’t answer his calls that he bit her nose off, in one bite! Or the woman who was stashing a fully loaded handgun inside her mom-parts. Nothing can beat the ankle-monitor-wearing ATM robber who was easily tracked down by police.
Slacker imitated the man who bit his wife’s nose off with an Arnold Schwarzenegger accent, because it’s the proper “biting my wife’s nose off” accent. He disagrees with Steve’s choice in olives, saying green olives are best for salads.
Steve said the lady with the handgun hidden should steer clear of doing any squats while concealing it. The guy who robbed the bank must’ve pleaded that he “only left the house once,” according to him. Steve wants you to keep things out of salad like onions and celery, but put all the black olives you want in. Arguing over types of olives in salads, white trash or real talk?
How is “White Trash News Flash” a part of your life? What are your trashiest stories?
You want to be able to trust someone you hire to come to your home to do work...but that's not always how it goes. We want to know the most ridiculous things you've ever had to deal with when it comes to a service person. The tinkling tale of Jerry Bance, a Toronto businessman who had been running for Parliament with Conservative Prime Minister Stephen Harper's party, had been filmed while working as an appliance repairman. The prime minister now faces re-election as Canada has entered a recession. The Canadian Broadcast Corp. used hidden cameras in 2012 to record Bance peeing into the cup and pouring it down the sink while on a service call. The homeowner was in the next room. Bance runs an appliance repair company, and the CBC was reporting on home repair companies.
Slacker asks that any service people who work in his house don’t poop in his sink, but regrets mentioning it as it might spark ideas. He suggests the maids should have taken a Television or something a little less noticeable than a ring.
Steve can’t believe someone would leave a $50,000 ring lying around the house. He once had a plumber come to his house for repairs and caught him sleeping on his bed! Steve didn’t want to remember the story as Slacker was the one to mention it.
What shenanigans have you ran into with a service person?
Let's just be honest, we've all cheated at something in our life...and we're not talking about relationships. We're talking about tests, tournaments, or work. We want to know what you did to get an unfair advantage. A group of New York firefighters were caught cheating while taking a recent lieutenants exam. They went to the bathroom during the exam to access the answer key on their cellphones.
Slacker thinks chess is the most honorable game behind golf. His son always cheats on games pretending to roll dice and misreading monopoly cards to benefit himself. Slacker is offering to sell his extra car seats to people who want to cheat in the carpool lane.
Steve says there is nothing he hasn’t cheated on in life. He thinks that the softball team that was caught cheating was playing within the rules. Steve is considering buying one of Slacker’s car seats and even one of his kids so he can use the carpool lane, but not Noah!
What have you done to get an unfair advantage on tests, tournaments, or work?
We all know the things that happen in the movies don't really happen in real life...or, do they? There are a few unbelievable stories in the news right now that sound like they belong in the movies and not the headlines. One of these stories involves a group of 5 year-old boys out of Russia that dug a tunnel under the fence at their school to go car shopping. They had been digging their way to freedom for multiple days and successfully made it to a Jaguar Showroom several kilometers away from the school!
Slacker said the schools in Russia must be so bad that the kids have to dig their way out. When talking about the football player that hurdled two players to score a touchdown, he said he never had the chance because he was stuck in the stands playing with the band.
Steve thinks the boys plan to dig their way out of a school yard to go to a Jaguar Showroom is awesome. He mentioned that the people on the British Airways flight that caught fire were grabbing their bags from under the seat in front of them and in the overhead storage! The people who wanted to save themselves couldn’t because some people were too greedy. Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought could only happen in the movies? We want to hear it!
It’s time for Drunk or Kid where you will tell us a story and the guys will guess whether you were drunk or a kid! Lil’ D will start off the game by telling two stories he found and saying them in first person. The guys will then guess if Lil’ D was drunk or a kid.
First story: I went to go see a baseball game and my seats weren’t close. I was sitting in section 401 all the way at the top. My favorite player came out and I was leaning over the edge and I fell down 40-feet headfirst.
Second story: I got myself into a slow speed chase. I didn’t realize the cops were behind me so I led the cops on a 20 mile chase.
Third Story: I was on a road trip and I had to pee. As I was peeing by the guardrail I fell over it and fell down a canyon into a creek bed.
What stories do you have that will stump the guys on whether you were drunk or a kid?
Yi! My son got his license 7 months ago and, like every other teen, he loves to drive. So much so that he announced to his father and me that he wanted to go to truck driving school instead of college. He told us he loves being on the road and thinks it's a good way to see the country in a way most people don't get to see it. I think driving a truck is way below what he is capable of. I told him that he is destined for better things than mindlessly driving a truck. That kind of job is meant for high school dropouts, former convicts, and recovered drug addicts. He told me he wants to do something that he enjoys rather than having a career that he hates. How do I convince my son that the job he wants is beneath him? How do I change his mind and make sure he gets a real education instead of giving up on life before he even gets started? -Heather
Slacker says that if you have a career in doing something that you love you will never work a day in your life. He agrees with Steve by saying that the world needs truck drivers. He says though that if his son came up to him and asked him to be a club bouncer he would tell his son to find a way to strive for better than being a bouncer but to actually own the club.
Steve says that he had a girlfriend whose father was a truck driver and he would often say that places would not have materials without truck driving. He says the world need truck drivers.
How can Heather convince her son that he should go to college and not be a truck driver? How also can she explain to him that he is capable of more than driving a truck?
It’s time Anyone Listening Who, where Slacker, Steve, and Lil’ D are in competition of who know you the best! The guys compile a topic that they have wanted to discuss on the show but it got vetoed. Here are their topics for today!
Slacker thinks that most of you have had a crazy drone story.
Steve thinks that most of you have encountered a huge D-Bag!
Lil’ D thinks that most of you have a crazy story regarding the Waffle House.
Slacker found a story about a man who was sun bathing on the top of a windmill and a drone caught all of the action! The drone flew over the man who was sky high in the air and to say the least the man was caught off guard.
Steve has a friend that has a huge D-Bag baby daddy! The baby daddy broke into her house and stole their child’s Christmas gifts then sold them to get some weed.
Lil’ D found a story about a woman in Georgia that went to a Waffle House and saw that the restaurant bathrooms were completely disgusting. To prove a point to management at 2am she went out to her car and grabbed her gun. She then threatened management by pointing her gun at them and demanded that they cleaned their bathroom.
Who knows you best? What story do you have that can relate to one of these topics?
Smelling something can bring us back to childhood or create a nostalgic memory. We found a list of the most common smells that bring us back to childhood!
THE 20 SMELLS THAT TRANSPORT US TO CHILDHOOD
1. Freshly mown grass (summer days/school sports day)
2. Pencil shavings/case/stationery (school days)
3. Baby powder (having babies/when the children were babies)
4. Vicks vapour rub (colds/illness)
5. Plasticine (school days)
6. Candyfloss (childhood, fairground)
7. Bonfires (winter nights)
8. Sun cream (family holidays)
9. Fish and chips (early holidays)
10. Old perfume (grandmother/mother)
11. Bubble gum (sweet shops)
12. Chalk (classrooms)
13. Talcum powder (baths as a child)
14. Pipe smoke (Grandfather/older male relatives)
15. Garden shed (Granddad)
16. Chicken soup (being ill as a child)
17. Hairspray (mother/grandmother getting ready)
18. Rain on tarmac (summer holidays and school playground)
19. Doughnuts (fairs/attractions)
20. Savlon/Germolene (colds/illness)
Slacker says that he hates the smell of gasoline so much that he has to hold his head away from the pump while he is getting gas. He says that he loves the smell of pumpkin pie and it always makes him think of Thanksgiving. He says that Steve will order a boat of Alfredo sauce at Italian restaurants and just drink it without noodles. He knows people who love the smell of skunk and he doesn’t mind it either.
Steve says that the smell of gasoline is his favorite. He also loves the smell of eggs because Slacker hates the smell of eggs.
Lil’ D’s favorite smell on the face of the earth is the smell of a skunk. He doesn’t know why and when he smells it when he driving somewhere he will roll down his window and drive slowly to savor the smell.
What smell brings you back to your childhood? What is your favorite smell? What smell do you hate the most?
Spicing things up in the bedroom is always a good idea according to many marriage counselors but sometimes spicing things up in that department can lead to injuries and damage. A couple in Austria thought it would be fun to have relations in their minivan by a lake. Things were getting hot and heavy when someone must have accidentally taken their van out of park. Their van rolled into a lake and the couple had to escape through a window. The rescuers said that they are lucky to be alive! Another couple in Maryland thought to introduce power tools to the bedroom! They hooked up a B.O.B and attached it to a saw because it would make the toy rotate faster. Well the saw cut through the rubber and ended up cutting the woman’s mommy parts! The husband had to make an embarrassing call to the 911 to get immediate help!
Slacker says that he has suffered from some major carpet burns because of relations on the ground. He says that if he were to use a power tool in the bedroom he would definitely go with the DeWalt!
Steve says that he has had car relations many times! He says that he never gets carpet burns because he usually has relations in the kitchen.
On Tuesday Jillian called in to our show and was our OPP. She was extremely upset that her husband Scott was spending their money on his father’s bucket list. His father is terminally ill and has just months to live. Scott has taken his to Ireland, go carting, and more. She says that all of the money that he is spending should be going to their third house! Scott didn’t know that his wife had called into the show but a mutual friend happened to be listening and told him about what his wife was saying. Scott messaged us and he wants to go on air to tell his side of the story! Here’s what Scott said!
Scott says that he is completely angry and has already talked to a lawyer. He wants a divorce because he says that his wife Jillian is completely heartless! He says that Jillian has not been concerned about his father’s condition; she is only concerned about their money. What she doesn’t know is that Scott’s dad has millions in assets and he will get is all when he does pass away. He says that Jillian is so selfish and has been for some time now. He says that he wants to spend as much time with his dad before he passes away and he will not let Jillian come in between them. He is saying bye-bye to Jillian for good!
Slacker says that Scott needs to get his divorce finalized before his dad does pass away because Jillian will try to take as much as she can. Scott says that he has great lawyers and he will be divorced from her fairly shortly.
Steve apologized to Scott because on Tuesday when Jillian was telling her OPP he was playing devil’s advocate and trying to see things from her side.
Do you think Jillian has gotten what she deserved?
Suicide is a very sad unfortunate situation that does happen and it’s hard to explain to a child why their relative decided to take their own lives and that’s what our Great Mate Debate is all about! William’s sister committed suicide four years ago by overdose and she left behind a two-year-old son. William and his wife Rebecca stepped up to take on the role of the parental position and are now raising their nephew. They even adopted him. He is young but is starting to ask questions. He doesn’t know how his mother passed away but wants to know how and why. William thinks that they should tell him because he wants to be honest because if they are not he thinks he will resent them both later on once he discovers the truth. He doesn’t want to tell him the details about how but that the fact that she was depressed and ended her own life. Rebecca disagrees. She thinks that telling him would traumatize him and it would not be a good idea. She thinks that if they tell him that his mom left him by committing suicide he will correlate that into “she didn’t love me enough.” William says that his nephew asks daily about his mother’s death and he doesn’t know how to answer him.
Slacker says that if he told his son about suicide it would make his brain explode because they do not think that death is a real thing. He thinks that Rebecca is right in this situation. He says that you have moments in your life where you find out that you have been lied to and it is devastating.
Steve says that he would try and keep it as generic as possible for as long as possible. He says that lying is hard to deal with.
Should they tell him the truth or lie until he’s old enough? Whose side are you on?
Pretending and faking things have never been accepted by society, but sometimes if you really want something you have to “Fake it til’ you make it!” A 16-year-old faked and fooled many for 10-months. Her relationship was in shambles so she decided she would save it by faking a pregnancy; not with just one baby, or two, but three babies! She received help with her fake pregnancy from a website called FakeaBaby.com. The site provides fake pregnancy tests, ultrasound photos, pregnancy blow up bellies, and more. She fooled not only him, but his family, her family, and even her local church. She was given thousands of dollars and baby supplies. After she hit the 10-month mark it was inevitable that the baby was extremely late or extremely fake.
Slacker says that this teenager is obviously bad at math because most pregnancy are over at nine months. He says that he and Steve got blindsided on air because the woman said that she was pregnant with Steve’s baby! Slacker says that he faked being a relative of a rock-star and was able to advance into VIP. He says that if you want to get in anywhere, just google who is playing in town and claim that you are the drummer of that particular band because no one cares about the drummer.
Steve doesn’t know how she got away with this! He can’t believe that there is a website that has been created for faking pregnancies. The woman that called in on air and claimed that she was pregnant with his baby was a former girlfriend or “hook up” buddy that he had relations with. He says that it was such an extreme issue that management had to get involved.
Applying for jobs is the worst. It’s time consuming and stressful. What is worse than applying for jobs is not getting the job and wondering why you didn’t but sometimes it is pretty easy to come to a conclusion why you didn’t get the job if you are this guy. An Illinois man thought it would be a good idea to send naked selfies to an HR manager after he got the job as a little thank you present. He no longer has the job. The 23-year-old man claims that his selfies were meant for someone else. The HR manager informed the police but no charges have been filed. We found a list about the ridiculous reasons why these people did not get hired.
Career Builder released its annual list of the weirdest mistakes and lies people have tried to get away with on their resume. Here are the top ten . . .
1. A person claimed to be the former CEO at the company they were APPLYING to.
2. They claimed to be fluent in two languages, and one of them was pig Latin.
3. (CAREFUL!) A guy who used to work at a warehouse put the job on his resume . . . but accidentally wrote "WHOREHOUSE".
4. A guy included his personal website, but it actually linked to a PORN site.
5. Someone listed their personal email address that started with, "2Poopy4MyPants."
6. An applicant claimed to be a Nobel Prize winner.
7. Someone wrote on their resume that they used to work at a jail, but it turned out they'd actually served time there.
8. A guy claimed he was HVAC certified, which stands for "heating, ventilation, and air conditioning." Then in his interview, he asked what "HVAC" meant.
9. An applicant wrote "Hey you" as the salutation in their cover letter.
10. One of a guy's references was for a company he'd embezzled money from, and there was still a warrant out for his arrest.
Slacker told one of his bosses to “F” off. He says that he doesn’t know how he is employed because his resume is so terrible.
Steve says that he doesn’t kiss ass.
Lil’ D says that the way you should test the waters and your boundaries at work you should most definitely send naked selfies to your HR director.
Did you send a nude to the wrong person? What was the reason why you didn’t get the job?
My husband has two sons with his ex. When they split up he was in a good job making really good money. They agreed on an amount he would pay each month for child support. He lost that job a few years ago and has been bouncing from job to job to make ends meet. He isn't making anywhere near the money he was before but he is still giving her the same amount of money they agreed on when they broke up and he was making money. It's driving us to poverty but he is a man of his word and says that he will not be a deadbeat like his dad was. I just want him to talk to his ex and renegotiate how much he is paying her so that we have enough money for me to pack him a decent lunch and not worry about running out of gas when we go somewhere. If he won't do it can I go to his ex and tell her that we can't afford to pay her so much?- Tasha
Slacker says that she is the last person who should be going to discuss her husband’s child support. He says that Tasha’s husband should communicate with his ex. He says that just because they had a certain lifestyle when they were married but once the divorce happens he doesn’t have to live in poverty so she can continue to live their certain lifestyle that they had when they were married.
Steve says that Tasha has a valid argument but he agrees with Slacker; she shouldn’t discuss with her husband’s ex. He says marriage is the only thing in which you can enter a peasant and exit a prince.
Is it acceptable for Tasha talk to her husband’s ex about his monthly child support?
Our bodies are extremely complex with all of our genes, chromosomes, and DNA and because of this sometimes things go haywire that leave us with what we like to call, body oddities. Roberto Cabrera of Mexico claims that his 19-inch long manhood appendage is ruining his life because it is preventing him to get a job and he cannot maintain a romantic relationship because women are afraid of it. Doctors are trying to figure out what to do about his unique circumstance. An 87-year-old woman in China has a 13
centimeter horn growing from her head. She is known as the “Unicorn Woman.” She is trying to get the growth removed from her head but it is complicated due to her age. Eight years ago she started to grow a black mole on her head but until two years ago it started to sprout from her head.
Slacker says that he does not have a third nipple and it’s just a spot with extra hair in one area. He says that he knows someone who had an extra toe and one day in the locker room all the boys lined up to touch the toe.
Steve says that Slacker has a third nipple but will not admit it. He says that he does not have any body oddities.
Unless you live in the sticks you have had some sort of neighbors and some of them are not the type of people you want to be living next to. A woman in Illinois was tired of her neighbors complaining about her dogs barking and their poop that she decided she wanted to annoy them even more by paining her house ridiculous colors. She painted her house with “ugly colors” and in the form of stripes. The 55-year-old resident wanted to give them something else to complain about than her four dogs. The cops were called but there is no law about painting your house. A resident in Texas is so ready to move and while doing so she is selling her house but is warning other buyers about her bad neighbor. She put up a for sale sign that says, “Because my neighbor’s a douchebag.” The homeowner says she put the sign up in her yard to send a message to her neighbor because he out cameras up in her backyard and was continuously complaining about her dogs. The cops and a city council member have asked her to take the sign down in her front yard but she refuses.
Slacker says that he has a neighbor that was thankful that another neighbor was moving out because there dogs were so obnoxious because all they did was bark. The neighbor then asked Slacker if he had any barking dogs and for fun he said, “Yeah, I have two beagles” knowing that all beagles do is bark. The man did not find him amusing.
Steve says that he is so lucky that he has the best neighbors but he said when he moved into the neighborhood three couples got divorced but he promises it wasn’t because of him. He says that he cannot stand neighbors with barking dogs and he always tries to put an end to it!
Yi guys! I think my neighbors are abusing their children. I don't know them well, but I got into a conversation with the wife a few weeks ago and she told me that the doctor told her that they had to get their kids to lose weight or they were going to suffer serious health problems. She made it sound pretty serious. Since that day, I have seen them do absolutely nothing to change. I see them at the McDonald's by our house all the time. I saw her unloading groceries and it was all chips, cupcakes, and soda. I've seen the whole family out on the porch eating ice cream sundaes and each one had one that was big enough to feed 4 people. These poor kids have no control over the situation and their parents aren't doing anything. I feel like it's child abuse and no one is looking out for the kids well-being. Should I say something to the neighbor? Is there someone I can call? What should I do?-Olivia
Slacker says that if he were in Olivia’s situation he would intervene but if her were in the neighbor’s position he would be furious because it would be embarrassing to be called out on bad parenting. He is confused as to why the neighbor would tell Olivia about her kid’s health problems but not make a change. He says that he almost stepped in on a mother in the grocery store because she was telling her daughter in who was on her way to obese the bakery section that she shouldn’t be wanting fattening foods because it is unhealthy. The thing was that the mother was obese herself and she could barely push the cart because there was so much soda in the cart. He says that Olivia should remind her neighbor about what the doctor said and hopefully that will motivate the mother to change her children’s diet. He says that because these kids don’t have any parenting now they will grow up to be living off of disability because they will not be able to move. He says that if a doctor told him to get his kid in check he would be changing their lifestyle immediately.
Steve says that she should stay out of the situation because the children already have advocates. He says that maybe the neighbor gave a time limit to her kids as to eating unhealthy for one more month and if Olivia would be stepping into the situation too soon with knowing the logistics. He says that you cannot judge people on their parenting skills but we all have a right to step into a situation that is not okay.
What should Olivia do? Is this considered child abuse?
Sometimes in life we make a huge mistake that we wish that life had an undo button. Well Lil’ D did something that he wishes that he had an undo button. He was sitting in the studio with his intern and she mentioned Miley Cyrus’ Instagram. Later that night he decided that he needed to finally learn Instagram and he decided to check out his intern’s Instagram because she was one of the only followers. He was scrolling through her Instagram and accidentally liked a photo from over a year ago. He doesn’t know how it happened! The worst part was not him liking the photo it was the fact that she was in a bikini. Lil’ D says that it made for an awkward situation at work when he had to talk to her about the situation and explaining that it was an accident! He needed an undo button for accidentally hitting the like button! A man in the UK also needs an undo after his wife left him for what he got tattooed on his thigh! He decided that he wanted to tattoo a six-inch manhood on his thigh. He is trying to get the tattoo removed but his wife refuses to move back into their house.
Slacker says that he was eating at a food truck and they served plantains. He says that he kept saying the word plantation and not plantains. There were many people around and he felt really stupid for saying it.
Steve says that he needs an undo button for today! He was talking to a co-worker and she told Steve she was about to go get her nails done. He said, “You don’t need to get your nails done because he says that you picked out the perfect color, hooker red!” She was mortified but he thought that hooker red was an universal color.
What did you do in life that you wish that you had an undo button for?
We have all had one and you either have to put up with it hoping that the problem will go away or you will have to stick it out! Bad bosses! They either are not qualified to manage or think they are overly qualifies to manage and go on a power stroke and drive everyone up the wall or out the door. Here is a list that you can relate to!
The Top Ten Rude Things Bosses Do
2. Being judgmental.
3. Not showing interest in other people's opinions.
4. Taking the best tasks, and leaving the worst ones for everyone else.
5. Failing to pass along necessary information.
6. Not saying please and thank you.
7. Talking down to people.
8. Taking too much credit for things.
10. Putting other people down.
Slacker thinks that Steve is a “brown- noser” to his bosses. He says that bosses don’t have to be polite to their employees and he thinks that just due to statistic based that there are more bad female bosses than there are males.
Steve says that he has not ever had a bad boss except for one exception at McDonalds after his boss called him out in front of all of the customers. He says that he has always loved his female bosses!
What did your boss do that made you want to quit and never look back? If you are a bad boss and are willing to admit it, what makes you terrible?
Erin is 25-years-old and just moved in with her dad, step mom, and step sister due to student loans. She was walking to her room and had to walk past her 14-year-old step sister’s room and overheard a phone conversation that has left her conflicted on what to do. She heard her say, “I’m going to give it up to him.” Erin thinks that 14-years-old is way too young to be losing your virginity and thinks she should wait but because if their age gap they do not have a close relationship and she feels uncomfortable to talk to her. She lost her virginity at 17-years-old and even thinks now looking back that that was too young. Erin also is not close with her step mom. She also does not know if she should bring up the conversation to her step mother or just let it happen and let nature take its course. She thinks that this weekend is the weekend because her step sister’s boyfriend is going with them to their cabin and her dad and step mom are very trusting and won’t be watching them constantly. Erin is afraid that once she loses her virginity that she is going to become even more secretive.
Slacker says it transforms you as a woman to lose your virginity. He thinks that Erin needs to be watching her stepsister constantly so they don’t have a chance to do the deed. He says that 1 14-year-old is not old enough to become a woman.
Steve says that for a woman that is a big step and completely different if it were a man in that situation because guys celebrate when they lose their virginity but for girls it changes them. He thinks that Erin should not let her lose her virginity and build a relationship with her on their trip to the cabin so she can become comfortable enough to communicate with her.
It’s that time again folks when Slacker, Steve, and Lil’ D are going to have a competition with each other to figure out who knows you better! It’s Anyone Listening Who time!
Slacker thinks that most of you have put something wrong in your mouth.
Steve thinks that most of you have had a good deed gone bad.
Lil’ D thinks that most of you have a story about a hidden camera.
Slacker found a story about a woman in England who needs either glasses or take the time to read what she is buying! She decided she needed some olive oil for cooking and she went straight to the body wash isle! Wait what? That’s right she was cooking with olive oil body wash for months and was wondering why it tasted so bad. She says, “I’ve thrown two saucepans and nearly got rid of my dishwasher as my food kept tasting nasty. Turns out what I thought was olive oil was olive oil shower gel. Chef of the week award is not mine this week.”
Steve found a story about a pastor in Georgia who got robbed at gunpoint after an anti-violence rally. He threw the event at his church Eden Baptist Church and many other pastors in the area also attended. One of the thieves was a 14-year-old boy and the other was 18-years-old. They demanded his wallet and cell phone but were caught throw the tracking device on the phone.
Lil’ D found a story about missing flowers and hidden cameras in England. A woman and her daughter often frequent the local cemetery to visit their mother/ grandmother and they always leave flowers. Over the past months they have noticed that their flowers have been taken and all that’s left is just holes in the ground by her tombstone. They decided they needed to hide a hidden camera to see what was happening to their flowers. Caught on camera was a woman who quickly came by and ripped the flower out of the ground and continued walking. She only did this at her tombstone. The family has no idea why this woman would be targeting their loved ones tombstone but the cops are on the lookout for the woman.
Who know you better? What story do you have that can relate to one of these topics?