Today, Carla joined us on the air to discuss to problem. She had a beautiful baby girl about 13 months ago and she is a total sweetheart, but after having her she just hasn’t felt the same. During her pregnancy she was sick the whole time, she was on bed rest for three months and she had to go through a c-section so she couldn’t pick up their child for a while. After giving birth she fell into the habit of not exercising or feeling that great about herself. This has caused a rift between her and her husband because they haven’t had relations in about 20 months, so in his eyes she isn’t fulfilling her wifely duty. It’s getting to the point where she feels like he might leave her and get that fulfillment with someone else. That’s the last thing she wants, but she doesn’t know how to make him understand how she feels. She’s scared if he see’s her naked, he’s going to want to run. She doesn’t feel sexy.
Carla asked Slacker how it was after his wife had children and it was tough because she didn’t feel sexy but at the same time you can feel sexier if you have relations. To add onto what Slacker was saying, Steve said that guys don’t really see the insecurities. He knows that’s what women are worried about, but he’s attracted to you so he’s not worried about that.
Slacker feels like she is focusing too much on all the pain. Like she’s being reborn with her v-card and the longer she waits, the more it’s just building up in her head, when in reality it’s really not this huge of a thing. At some point, the waiting has just gone on too long and when can her husband say enough is enough?
So, how does she help her husband understand how she feels? Is there a way for her to get past this?
Unfortunately, I’m the last person that can help Carla with this. I have never been married nor have I had a child, so I don’t know what it’s like after giving birth. I do know what it’s like to feel insecure though and lately, I’ve discovered that what Steve said is right. They don’t see all these insecurities you have because he just wants to be with you. The only advice I can give to Carla is to talk this out with her husband. It’s the only way he’s going to understand why you feel the way you feel. I hope things can be worked out!
Carla needs to talk to a counselor and not alone - her husband needs to go with her. They have several issues to work out, one being her depression. She also needs to talk with other moms - find a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) program and get away from her daughter for a short time to talk to other moms that are going through similar things. Her, her daughter and her husband need to start by walking together, or other small outings just as a family - start by holding hands, etc. If they have family nearby, they need to go away for a weekend without their daughter - even if they just catch up on sleep, they can still talk during dinner and just be together. They have both gone through changes and need to take small steps back. Good luck!
Post Partum Depression
After listening to the show today, I wanted to share my insight.
I am a Registered Nurse and have been for 15 years. Based upon what I heard today, I would absolutely diagnose Carla with PPD. I believe that she could benefit from
Medication and therapy. The medical field offers many antidepressants that help with this. I would encourage Carla to call her Primary Care Physician tomorrow.
Best of luck!