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Slacker & Steve's Blog



OPP: Grandparents Parenting

YI!

I just gave birth to my son. I currently live with my in-laws and they act like it’s their son!!! When they come home from work I have to share him for a few hours EVERYDAY!!! They are always saying I'm doing something wrong. I.E. when I feed him they think he isn't hungry. When I put him in bed they think he shouldn't sleep in a bed, he should be held. When he's sleeping they think we need to be super quiet!!! He's MY SON I pushed the kid out and my boyfriend made it through 9 months of hell with me. How do we get them to back off?

Sarah

Slacker suggests that they get their own place. It’s hard to be a parent. Slacker’s first baby, Noah, was colicky and Slacker’s mother-in-law came in and took the baby and walked out of the room with him. He was so angry with her. He was the one paying the mortgage though. We all suck as parents at first.

Steve says that they are doing this in their house. It is a hard situation so the easiest advice is to move out if you don’t like the way your in-laws get involved.

What should Sarah do?

My parents are terrible with this too. I get it even though I don't live with them. Get Out!! It is very stressful trying to be a new parent and then having someone breathing down your neck all the time is too much. It is your kid you and your husband need to sit down and explain that you appreciate their help but that if you want their help you will ask for it until then let me raise my baby. I always remind my mother about how much it drove her crazy when her parents did it to her.

Signed,
ME(Charlee)
Intern

(Photo courtesy of Flickr)


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11/08/2013 5:26PM
OPP: Grandparents Parenting
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11/11/2013 4:16PM
Both sides
Hi, I am a grandma who son, and 5 month old grandson lives with her. I am also someone, who as a young mom has lived with both her own parents, and in- laws. I have also had my mother and brother living with me, so I can see all kinds of sides of this argument. As a parent, yes it is frustrating when you are living with someone and are a new parent, and they have very differant views to your own. However as the grandparent sometimes it's hard to see your grandchild hungry, frustrated or over tired unnessasariliy. They need to sit down and have a convocation, and the boyfriend needs to back HER up. Yes there are going to be conceptions, after all they area living in their home, and probably on their dime. But in saying that she is also the parent and be the one primarily taking care of the babies needs. My son and I have an open relationship. I take care of my grandson in the mornings, so he can look for work, but once he is home, he is in charge. I did think he needed feeding solid food, I explained reason to my son, and although his wife is not here right now, they discussed it, and it was up to them to take the advise or not. Grandparents who try and take over are not ready to be grandparents, either that or they have no confidence and trust in their own child to BE a parent. However, children who expect their parents to sit back and pay for everything, (ie, home, food, diapers, etc...) and not have a say is just plain self centered. I would never dream of forcing my opinion on my children, for their children. However, I do have experience and am paying, so expect advice to be listened to and considered. Meet in the middle people! Not only will it help their sanity, relationship, but also it creates a much better environment for the baby. There has to be a line drawn, things need to be worked out, parents need to be respected, BOTH sets. For specifics, the grandparents should never, actually no one should ever go take the child while they are sleeping. I was living with my own grandmother and she kept doing that, it drove me crazy. And caused my son to start waking in the night expecting to be brought into bed with someone in the middle of the night. As a grandparent I would never go an wake him, even if I think he shouldn't be sleeping at that time, after all they are the ones going to have to get up with him at night, not me. However, they also understand when I have him, I only use the pacifier when I have to, as I don't think it should be in his mouth all the time. When they have him, they do what they want. On the other hand, where to throw diapers, keep clothes not in their room, diapers, food etc, is a joint desition, my house, but must be accessible for them too. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I for one agree, but the village has to compromise and get along, or the child will feel the hostility and grow up angry.
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