“Yi! My fiancé and I are facing a problem... I have one 3 yr old boy and baby girl on the way. My grandmother has been married to an alcoholic for over 23 years. We had an episode where his drinking went too far and we already told him he couldn't ever be around the children because we're not willing to put their well-being at risk...... he recently decided to start rehab (not his 1st time either) and has been sober at least over 45 days. The problem we have is grandma is pushing for my son and (when she arrives) our daughter to spend time with her and him! We have decided to stick our ground and not let him be a part of our lives because he has done the same drunk routine since before I was born. But it’s destroying mine and my grandmother's relationship, I'm stuck on what to do we both need advice I love her but she's so overly mad I won't let him in the picture.”
Both Slacker and Steve think Grandpa has lost any respect he may have had with his granddaughter because of his actions. She’s the mother of small child and has another on the way, so she needs to put her children first and do what she can to protect them.
What advice do you have? When should she start trusting Grandpa again?
I'm a recovering alcoholic of 7years & I just wanted to comment on today's OPP.
Yes, alcoholism is absolutely a disease. No one would volunteer for the insanity of our lives until we finally surrender and becoming willing to change! Just like we didn't become tornadoes in the lives of others overnight nor can we expect them to forgive us overnight. We have to EARN their trust back over time and that's only IF they are willing to forgive us. Some bridges are too badly burned and that's okay. That is a natural consequence to OUR crappy choices.
Alcoholics are not victims - we ARE volunteers. Everything I've done or participated in in my life I had a choice in. Were my choices tainted by my drinking? Absolutely, but that doesn't excuse my behavior!
As mothers we have to follow our gut. Cynthia, if your gut tells you not to expose your kid to grandpa then don't. No need to rationalize and justify your decision. You get to choose.