Today, we received an email from a guy named Kyle:
“Yi! Here’s my situation guys. I graduated from college and I was lucky to find an awesome job right out of school. It pays really well and I bought my first house about 6 months ago. My girlfriend of 4 years is in cosmetology school and will finish in a few weeks. Even though she stays at my house sometimes, she’s been renting an apartment on the other side of town to be closer to school. Well, I heard her telling a friend that she gave her landlord notice and is planning on moving in with me. This was news to me, and she kind of acted like it was her house and she had free reign. We’ve talked about marriage but I’m not ready for that step yet. I can’t tell her I don’t want her to move in yet because I know she’ll take it as an insult and be crushed. Can the women that listen to your show give me some advice on how to tell her it’s not time without ruining everything between us? Thanks.
Slacker first question is, “Why isn’t it time Kyle? If not now, when?” The only thing he can possibly think of to make it seem ok is that he just bought this house. He’s finally grown up, he made this happen and he just wants to bask in the glory for a bit longer.
Slacker can’t wrap his head around anything else because he lived the reverse of this situation. He just assumed “sticky” wanted a key so he got her a copy so she wouldn’t have to sit out in the parking lot waiting for him all the time.
What do you think Kyle’s reasoning could be? How can he tell her he’d not ready without crushing her? Plus, does it make sense for her to have to pay rent when he has a house and she stays there some nights anyways?
I think if it came out of shock to him and she didn’t tell him in the first place, then he has the right to react the way he wants. I think Kyle can sit her down and be like, what? Well, not necessarily what because that might not go so well, but in kind words explain that he didn’t know this is what she had in mind and make her understand you are just not ready for that next step. Four years is a long time, but you did just get out of college and you are just now really starting to get your feet on your ground. Living alone for a while can be a good thing, too.
Peace. Love – Assistant Producer Stephanie