Today, Nicole was willing to go on the air with us to share her situation. She is engaged and her wedding date is coming up in three weeks, but she’s starting to second guess everything all thanks to the Kardashians and the latest news regarding Kim’s divorce to Kris. Her family says its just cold feet, but what is cold feet? Even Steve doesn’t know what cold feet is and he’s never really understood it… But is it cold feet? Could she be making a mistake? She’s never thought there’s been a perfect person, but there have always been things that have been tough with her fiancé. She has her flaws, he has his flaws, but is she deluding herself? Is she going to be happy? Could she just be accepting him for who he is and settling?
Slacker knows where Nicole is coming from because in retrospect he can point to things where he could have mentioned something that could be cold feet but to him at some point your brain can start eating at itself, which is where you need to be careful.
Off of what Slacker said, I think she is thinking way too much into this. I do think it’s cold feet because you can’t help but ask yourself if you’re making a mistake because this is a huge life decision, it’s a huge life step. If she’s wrong, well… There’s always divorce. Haha.
I HEARD IT TOO!! - HESITATION! - DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I DID!!
I tried calling & got through but the person on the phone said there was some one else that was going to say the same thing I was saying. But I haven't heard this caller yet & am deeply concerned for Nicole. I do not want her to make the same HUGE mistake that I made! PLEASE GET THIS MESSAGE TO HER!! Nicole, there is so much hesitation in your voice. I have heard it in your voice several times. You have said the same things on the air today that I was saying to myself in 1999 right before my wedding to my now ex-husband. If you are having so much doubt that you would call a radio station and go on the air about it, then honey, you should not be walking down that aisle! I know from experience that when you really do find "Mr. Right" you won't be the thoughts that you are having right now. I am glad to say that I am now currently engaged to my "Mr. Right" & there is not one doubt in my mind that he is the one for me. I did not ever completely feel that way with my ex. I had the same little nagging feeling you are having right now. That is your gut & God telling you that it isn't right. I heard you say that your parents would "kill you". Trust me, that is no reason for you to marry somoeone you obviously are uncertain of. I had those same thoughts & I wish to God that I had walked out on my wedding day! Marrying my ex ruined my life. I am just now getting back on my feet. I married him in 1999 & was unhappily married to him for 5 years before "everything "reared its ugly head". I had been wearing a fake smile for 5 years & it made my life a living hell! I have gone through years now of trying to recover from having to live in a lie & being too afraid of what my parents would think or what my friends would think & how people would think of me if I were to tell everyone that I was unhappy. I have been to therapy after therapy because I forgot who I was cause I was so focused on making sure no one knew how I really felt. I spent so much energy trying to convince myself I could make it work or I could make myself fall completely in love with him that I lost touch with me. I don't want you to make the same mistakes. I have been through so much because I settled for the wrong man the first time around. PLEASE DON'T SETTLE!!! JUST BECAUSE A MAN ASKED YOU TO MARRY HIM, DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO! CANCELING A WEDDING & HAVING TO TELL YOUR PARENTS YOU MADE A MISTAKE IN SAYING YES IS FAR BETTER THAN LIVING YEARS OF YOUR LIFE IN A LIE TRYING TO CONVINCE YOURSELF THAT YOUR IN LOVE WHEN YOU AREN'T!! I remember right before I walked down the aisle with my Dad, he turned to me & asked me, "Are you sure, 100%, that this is the man you want to spend every single day of the rest of your life with?" You know what I said? I said, "I don't know Dad, but its too late now!" That is no joke. I wish right then, that I would have walked away in wedding dress and all in front of all of my family & all of my friends!! I wish to God that I would have listened to my gut feelings & just said, "Dad, you know, actually I don't think I want to do this!" That humiliation would have been nothing compared to the pain that marrying the wrong person will cause you. The man you are engaged to may be sweet but Nicole I am telling you, if you truly feel the way you said you did on the air. He is just not the one for you. You said you know he loves you more than you love him. That is how I know you are about to make a huge mistake if you walk down that aisle. If he was "the one", you would feel like there is no possible way that anyone could love anyone or anything more than you love him. But, you don't feel that way. I wish you all the luck in the world but I really hope that you really consider postponing your wedding, at least until you are 100% sure. If that day never comes, then he isn't the person you should be with. Don't settle. Don't be afraid you will never find the guy that will sweep you off of your feet. That is what I was afraid of & I finally have found that man. After 5 years in a horrible marriage & 7 years after my divorce, I am now engaged to my knight in shining armor!! Keep searching the world for yours.
I'm not sure where I was supposed to post my comments about todays OPP, but I hope Nicole reads
Two things stood out to me about what you were saying today. One - you said that you were SCARED. Two - you said that you had had nightmares.
On the one hand, I am 36 and have always been an indecisive person and I often wonder if I will ever find the right one and how in the world I will be able to make that decision when the time comes and if I don't decide on someone despite my confusion, will I end up alone? So, believe me, I know what your going through in doubting yourself, and then doubting your doubts, etc. etc. and wondering if you should just go through with it. All I can say to that is that is that you will face plenty more decisions in your life, and if you're the type of person that doubts yourself, like I have, they'll be tough, but you will get better at them.
Anyway, enough about that.
Back to THE decision at hand. Again, what stands out to me is that you said you were SCARED and that you had had nightmares. Nicole, I have been in a couple of relationships in which I felt this way, and believe me - when you feel scared or even severely nervous, it's usually because your instincts are trying to tell you something, and in my experience, your gut never lies. And, if you are having nightmares on top of it, it is your subconscious trying to communicate with you. Inside, I think you know there's something wrong. And three weeks isn't enough time for you to figure out what it is. You owe it to yourself to call off this wedding, or at the very least postpone it.
You said you were afraid of disappointing your parents and everybody else. And you're probably afraid of losing face by calling off a wedding 3 weeks before the date. How will people react? What will they think of you? On the surface, it seems like these are the important things. But, there is something much bigger at stake. It's your life. Your peace of mind, your integrity, your safety, and your happiness are ultimately much more important than pleasing everybody else, including your fiance, by putting on a big wedding for them. Being honest with yourself and true to yourself is ultimately the best thing in the world you can do for yourself AND everybody else. So, give yourself the time you need to figure out what you really need and deserve. You may think you're making a fool of yourself or disappointing others. But, truly, there is nothing more honorable than being honest with yourself. That is the seed that once it's planted will allow you to be honest with everybody else.
It's Not Cold Feet
DO NOT GET MARRIED. From my own experience I married my boyfriend who also loved me more than I did him (or so I thought). I had doubts during all 5 years of our relationship and had even told him once that he made a great boyfriend, but that he would make a terrible husband and I was so right. So when it came to our wedding day I kept saying it was cold feet too. My dad told me I could change my mind right before we walked out(obviously he saw something I didn't)
That feeling you are having is what you already know. You are not ready. Even if this guy loves you that much if you even have the slightest hesitation you SHOULD NOT do it. If this is the guy for you then he will understand. You guys will work it out. But I am guessing that he isn't.
I will tell you that I am married again. I knew right away when I met my now husband that he was so very much the one. On our wedding day, a year after we met and dated I knew that we will spend the rest of our lives together. It's been close to 4 years and I am that girl who wakes up excited to be with him EVERYDAY.
Listen to Yourself Not Others
OK first of all Nicole needs to get quiet, get out a piece of paper and write down all the things she loves and doesn't love about this guy and see if the good outweighs the bad. Remember that marriage is ALOT of work. It concerns me that so many people are suggesting that you just jump ship. The guy sounds like a decent guy so I would hate to see her throw away a good thing based on outsiders opinions. There aren't that many great guys out there and you don't really know who is giving you advice. People who think marriage is all roses and lollipops but the engagement period is the first test of many conflicts you will have to sort through whether you marry this guy or someone else later. You already know in your gut what you want to do so trust yourself. Good luck. P.S. The fact that this guy loves you so much is a good thing unless he's crazy and only you know if that's the case.