Lyla and Nate called us live for Great Mate Debate today. They are planning their wedding currently and are hung up on a very serious disagreement… Lyla was engaged before and had purchased a wedding dress. The previous wedding was called off but she saved the dress in the hopes that she would find the real Mr. Right and be able to wear the dress that she loved so much. Nate is totally against it and says that he has no problem buying her a new dress but he wants nothing to do with a dress that she had initially bought for another man…
It took Slacker a few minutes but he finally solved this dress issue that he believes is tainted with "bad juju". He thinks that Lyla should go to a bridal shop and purchase a cheap wedding dress and throw that one away in front of Nate and he'll never know the difference! Steve thinks that both parties have made good points. He knows what it's like to be attached to something but also understands that the dress wasn't meant for him originally.
Whose side are you on?
I personally would like to know how she first mentioned the thought of wearing the "old dress" in the first place and why. I do think she should get rid of it and start all over like she did in her love life. If it worked for finding a new man it should work for finding a new dress. But if it's such a big deal to keep that one she never should have told him, it's not like he ever saw it so he'd never know.
I am emailing in to say KEEP IT! If the guy is already that insecure that he is asking you to get rid of something you love soo much and have taken time to search for, then maybe he isnt your true love like you thought.
I will give you my scenario;
I was engaged for five years got the dress and braids maid dresses and just about everything else you could think of. The wedding never happened. same as you my ex never saw the dress and there for has NO bad "ju-ju" I am engaged to an outstanding guy who isn't waiting five long years, I told him the same thing, I looked long and hard and spent lots of money on this dress and without even blinking he said OK COOL , I dont have a problem with that as long as your ex never saw you wear it, or didnt already walk down the aisle in it!
So point being, the stupid dress should be last on the guys mind not the first!
GOOD LUCK and happy trails
She should try...
It is ALL about the dress and how it makes you feel. Having said that, I think that she should at least try to find another one because he was right that she might actually find one that is better. Give it a certain amount of time or in this case probably a certain number of dresses and if she can't find one than he should let her wear the one she already has. It was never about the other guy it was about the dress all along. My husband just added that if the dress made me happy that he wouldn't care.
I think that the groom is being very silly about the whole thing, especially if she thinks the bride really had the other groom in mind when she bought the dress. Every woman knows the dress is all about them and how "we" think we look and feel in the dress. She should wear the dress that she feels special in!!!! Besides, once you have found that special dress you would just go out and buy one that is almost exactly the same anyway.
She sounds so in love and happy with Nate. Use the money that is saved on buying a new dress on the honeymoon and do something special! Don't be so silly Nate!!
True, the dress took forever to find and probably looks amazing on Lyla. But at the same time, I would just hate myself, walking down the isle, KNOWING that my fiance is disappointed. I would want him to be as happy as I am. Sorry Lyla, but I'm with Nate.
my personal experience
I actually had this same situation with my wedding last year. In 2010, I was engaged and we were 4 weeks from the wedding when it was called off. I kept the dress, and when my husband now and I were planning our wedding (2 years later), I figured I could use the same dress to save money. I had never worn it, and I never felt like it was attached to my ex, but 4 months out from my real wedding, I was talking to my sister in law. She told me her brother confided in her that although he would never say it to me, he felt the old dress (no matter that I didn't feel any connection to my ex) was a symbol to him of the other guy.
I loved the old dress, it fit me in all the right places, and was in every sense of the word perfect. But I didn't want to start my marriage with him thinking that the dress I wore was never meant for him. With all the hype of what the dress means, the fact the groom isn't supposed to see it/her until the day of, and the symbolism for what the dress stands for, it's almost contradictory to wear a dress that was supposed to be for another wedding/man, especially since weddings are centered around the dress.
Don't get me wrong, I was upset and a complete wreck trying to find another perfect wedding dress 4 months before my wedding, but in the end, it was worth it to me, and I know it meant a hell of a lot to my husband. I did find one that I fell in love with the moment I saw it, and I got over the other dress.
I don't know anything about your relationship, but I know I wouldn't have wanted my husband to hold this over my head for the rest of our marriage, during any arguments, or even while looking over wedding photos. It's a continuous fight that would never be resolved because it's an action of the past and there are pictures to prove and remind both of you everytime they are seen.