Today’s Great Mate Debate involves a couple that is experiencing a tough situation…
Madison and Jacob are getting married soon and still have to make one final decision about the wedding…but no matter what they decide, one of their families is going to be upset.
Madison’s family wants a dry wedding. Completely dry! No cash bar, nothing. She says her parents are paying for the wedding and their wishes should be respected. They’re totally conservative. She gets it and she understands where her parents are coming from. She does want to remember the whole day and she’s also been to weddings where it’s been a bunch of lushes with the potential for disaster.
Jacob says that all their friends and his family expect to have fun and let loose and no alcohol will put a damper on the party. At any other special event, they toast and have a good time. He’s willing to pay for the party and the tab, even if it means getting a loan.
Steve’s makes the point that Jesus went to a wedding and turned water into wine! He also recalls that Jesus didn’t have to foot the bill.
Slacker made the point that if alcohol comes into play at all the family is going to pull out of the financial assistance all together. He thinks they could curb it and drink after the reception in the hotel room, a bar or whatever! At Slacker’s wedding, he had an open bar. If he had to do it again, he would definitely take advantage of additional funds if it meant no alcohol. Slacker makes the point that plenty of people will have flasks and stashes all over the place. People will be taking bathroom breaks or disappearing all the time and he thinks they’re screwed.
Whose side are you on?
I say suck it up! Have the wedding, make the reception short. Then have an after party for all of your friends and let them buy the two of you drinks. Tell them to save the registry items and cover the tab at the after party…To Slacker’s point, it is only a few hours out of one of the most precious days of your lives together. If you can’t agree to disagree this early in the marriage, find a shrink now or forever hold your peace.
Peace, Love and Good Happiness Stuff! - Ray the Intern
As the title suggests, I vote for the dry wedding - her points about starting off on the right foot financially are spot on. His concerns about them controlling the wedding are way off. I would be happy to share my personal story about how controlling in-laws can be when paying for a wedding.
My suggestion for a compromise is to throw a welcome home from the honeymoon party for their friends. Then, not only can the friends imbibe in a few drinks, they can, also.
The marriage is over
I know this sounds a little harsh but I am a professional wedding planner. I have done over a1000 weddings in 40 years. Most marriages only have a 50/50 chance of surviving and the most important ingredient is strong family support. The reception is the only time all the couple's loved ones will be in the same room. Harmonious joyful feelings toward each other are paramount!! This issue is not about the alcohol!!! This is about acceptance of the couple's friends and family. This is about everyone feeling comfortable. Madison's parents are passing judgement....even if they do not mean to..... on Jacob's family and their friends. They are subconsciously saying, "I don't trust you, I don't approve of you, and our comfort and wishes is more important than the rest of the room." If Madison and Jacob go ahead with this wedding, they are in a lose/lose/lose situation. If Madison's parents pay for the wedding with the no-drinking stipulation, Jacob, his family and friends will resent it. It will be brought up over and over for the rest of their marriage. If Madison's parents pay for the wedding and allow drinking, the damage has been done. They will resent having to shell out $50K and watch just what they knew was gonna happen happen. Even if only 1 guest gets out of control, her parents will find out about it and bring it up (that they were right all along) for the rest of the marriage. If Madison and Jacob pay for the wedding Madison will resent it and it will seethe under every financial decision for the rest of the marriage (well, we could go out with our friends tonight but the credit cards are still maxed from the wedding we didn't have to pay for). This marriage is being build on a powder-keg and unless they are the only two perfect people on the planet it will always affect them. Jacob will be able to go on and find another woman but until Madison's parents grow up, she should forgo all future plans to get married.