Yi! I just got married to my wife, we're both 36 and she got pregnant shortly after we got married. I am an amateur cyclist who races competitively. I don't do this for a living, Last year I had a great year and this year my coach feels that I should train for the Masters World Championships in Manchester, England in October. The baby is due middle of Sept.
While she has not prohibited me from going (basically, I can go, but I should be prepared to have to deal with arguments leading up to it and following it), she said something that makes me feel a little guilty: "I'm not sure how you can even consider this. You are basically saying you want to leave me with your new child just weeks after its birth."
That makes me feel like I'm being a bit selfish. But here's the thing:
1. I'm 36. I feel that I'm already past my athletic "prime" but these are my last years of being competitive at a certain level. I feel that time is running out to win some big, albeit amateur, races.
2. I don't feel I'll have enough time for training after this kid comes. She thinks I'll be able to still race next year. I am doubtful, at least at the level I want to race based off of what others tell me about having your first child.
3. I have offered to fly out her mom or one of her sisters to come out for 10 days so she'll have a visitor to look forward to, and won't be alone while I'm gone.
Even though she says "go", it's pretty clear to me that she doesn't want me to. I'm trying to figure out if my desire to race at this huge event, a last-in-my-lifetime opportunity is reasonable, or should I feel like a D-Bag for even considering it.
If it were Slacker in this position he definitely wouldn’t go because he understands that when you make a baby and start a family you need to commit- especially so soon after the birth. Steve doesn’t see the problem because his wife will have help and it’s only 10 days.
What advice do you have for him?
I don’t think he should go just because of the fact that it’s sooo soon after the delivery. Why would he not want to stay with his new child?
I was in a situation somewhat similar but I was the wife. When I told my husband at the time of 10 years, he was pissed and told me I ruined his life. He would never get to do his sports again although it was just hunting and fishing. Everyday I was pregnant he reminded me of ruining his life. My sister offerd for me to live with her and we would take care of the baby together but needless to say I stayed and after crying myself to sleep everynight and being so stressed.....I lost the baby. Sad thing is when we lost the babies (twins) he didn't show any signs of sadness or compassion towards me. I always held my tongue on what I was feeling but after years I grew so far from him and built up such a wall from him it ended in divorce. That was a rude awakening to show me his selfishness - it showed me I never came first.....not even with his own flesh and blood inside of me. Mark...your wife might say its ok but in her heart it really shows her where she stands in your life.
I'm a mom. I'd say he will be better dad following his dream. It's only 10 days! He has ALL of his life to be there for his wife and kid!!! Go go go! She meant it!