20 Things Men Over 30 Should Never Wear
Below is a list compiled by men, for men, to prevent them from further embarrassment.
20 Things Men Over 30 Should Never Wear:
Are you guest starring on "Mad Men"? No? Then don’t wear a fedora.
2. Those diaper pants.
Your old ass has no chance with these so don’t even try.
3. Choker necklaces.
Unless you are marooned on an island and you made that necklace to pass the time, then you have no business wearing it.
4. Crazy busy shoes.
If your shoes have more than four colors and have multiple patterns then they get the boot. Pun intended.
5. Running shoes as everyday shoes.
Nothing says, “I’ve broken my New Year’s resolution to get in shape” more than wearing running shoes with jeans.
Dracula called. He said, “Nah, you can have the cape. Even I know they look dumb.”
7. Dangly earrings.
“I should really take this off.” — George Michael, on his dangly earring.
Unless you are gardening or working in a kitchen these have no excuse to be anywhere near your feet. NO EXCUSE.
Wearing them for a purpose, aka, work, is fine. Otherwise, no.
10. Mock turtlenecks.
For when you want to look like the long lost member of Color Me Badd.
No reason to wear them.
12. Skull jewelry when you are not in fact a sorcerer.
Or a scary biker dude, because in that case you do you.
13. Duster coat.
Is your last name Van Helsing? Are you wrasslin’ cattle? I didn’t think so.
14. A tie + vest + no shirt combo.
It’s like Magic Mike, only without the magic. So your look is pretty much just “Mike.”
15. Free T-shirts from your bank
Or from wherever.
16. Nut-hugging pants.
Looks like 28 cents and a penis.
17. Fake tans.
OK, not an actual thing to wear, but also not an actual tan.
18. Wrists full of bracelets
Called “arm parties”?
19. Flat-brimmed caps.
With the exception being if you are a hip-hop legend, i.e. the Wu-Tang Clan gets a pass. Not that they needed one, though.
20. Really, anything Johnny Depp is wearing nowadays.
Slacker he wonders who came up with this list and sound a little bitter about “being on the list.” He hates the girls who are into Hello Kitty when they are teens. He asks if there is an age if a female stop wearing a thongs. Or when woman reach 40 you have to wear a one-piece swim suit? He had a hat like Walter White’s from Breaking Bad and he likes it, a lot. But he could never wear it. He accuses Steve of wearing tennis shoes with jeans. Lil’ D said Slackers earrings are a little big, but he can rock them. Slacker admits to wearing crocs in his garage.
Steve said he likes to wear them because he never knows when he will need to do workout stuff. But he refuses to take the stairs, like Slacker. He accuses Slacker of wearing a ton of bracelets on his arm. Slacker replies he has Children’s Hospital bracelets, but admits if he didn’t wear those he would have an arm full of bracelets.
What can you add to the list?
Men over 30 should never wear comic book t-shirts. Avengers, Justice League or not, I don’t care-- you look stupid.
(Photo courtesy flickr.com)